As a PI, I’ve dealt with a lot of people over the years, and I’ve learned a lot. Most of what I’ve learned about men has been pretty logical. Most of what I’ve learned about women is they’re really fucking confusing.
Guys are pretty easy to read. If you see a guy in a bar drinking a normal American beer like Miller or Bud, you know he’s probably going to like sports and will talk your ass off about how this pitcher isn’t worth a shit or who’s going to win the Super Bowl this year. He’s probably not into tennis or figure skating or gymnastics, but he might like to play golf.
If you live in the South, like I do, it’s likely if he’s not watching sports and sucking down a beer, he’s out on a lake sucking down a beer while fishing for bass or crappie, or hunkered down around a campfire sipping straight Jack from a red Solo cup and talking about that big buck he saw but couldn’t get a clean shot at.
If the guy asks the bartender what craft beers he has of he if can recommend a really good imported pilsner, you can bet he’s gonna be an asshole and probably a wimp. He’s the one who will watch tennis and figure skating and gymnastics on TV and will know all about all the rules and top players. He’s probably a fucking tree-hugger who wants to show women he has a feminine side. The bastard also thinks he’s smarter than everybody else so he’s always right about everything.
The gay guys are a little harder to spot, but I’m OK with the gay guys. Most of them are pretty normal, well, except for liking pink and purple shirts.
Women are a lot harder to read, especially lesbians. I’m OK with the lesbians too. I just wish they had some sort of official lesbian necklace or bracelet to wear or something to let us guys know. I mean, they have what they call “lipstick lesbians”, which means they’re gorgeous and any guy who isn’t blind or gay would give his left nut to have some sack time with one of them. You’ll see one and start to go say hi when another woman walks up and gives her a hug. It isn’t that friendly, bent over so their tits don’t touch hug, either. It’s a, “this is as close to fucking you like I want as I can get in public”, kind of hug.
You can’t read a straight woman worth a shit either, or at least, I can’t. I mean, you’ll see some really hot-looking gal wearing a tight tank top with no bra and little shorts so short her ass cheeks show a little. You just know she wants to fuck some guy until he can’t see straight and you hope that guy is gonna be you, so you go up and ask her if you can buy her a drink. She’ll let you buy that drink and let you sit at her table and talk to her, but as soon as you say something about getting to know each other a lot better, she’ll smile and say, “Oh, I can’t do that. Last New Years, I took a vow of celibacy and I feel so empowered now I don’t want to stop”. That’s false advertising in my book and it should be illegal.
Then there are the mousey type women who look like they’re afraid of their own shadows. They usually walk around with their shoulders hunched forward so you can’t really see if they have any tits or not, and their clothes don’t fit well enough you can see how big their asses are. Usually, they’re not ugly. They’re just average women who don’t do much to make themselves look sexy.
I can tell you that at least some of those timid looking women, once they get to know you - like for maybe an hour – they’ll be the ones who’ll fuck you cross-eyed and then still want more. She’ll never look like she’d be that way, but when she gets done fucking you, you’re going to wonder if your cock will ever stand up again.
The woman sitting across from me that afternoon wasn’t a lesbian, and she wasn’t chunky - well, she was a little - but she wasn’t wearing yoga pants that looked ready to split down the ass and leg seams, and she was definitely taking my mind off listening to what she said. She was about fifty, I’d guess, and while the years had added a few pounds here and there, she was a woman I’d have liked waking up next to any day of the week. She had shoulder length blonde hair, a soft, pretty face, and where the pounds had accumulated was mostly her big tits and sexy, wide ass.
Andrea Wilson was her name, and she wanted me to find out what her husband had been doing at his dance classes.
“He joined this dance class almost a year ago. They meet two nights a week for dance lessons and then twice a month they have a dance. I went with him for the first two weeks, but I don’t move as fast as I used to, and Warren, that’s my husband’s name, he kept complaining and telling me I just wasn’t trying hard enough. I finally told him he could go learn to dance if he wanted, but I was staying home and watching TV.
“About six months ago, I wanted to…well, you know…and Warren told me he was too tired. He’d never been too tired before, but I just thought he had a hard day at work. Since then, he’s been too tired a lot, and I think he might be…well, he might be doing something with another woman. I don’t want to think he is, but I have to know. Can you find out for me?”
I said I could do that, and after she paid me in cash for the first two days, I asked her my standard questions.
“Do you have a picture of Warren? I need to know what he looks like so I’ll know I’m watching the right man.”
Andrea sorted through a purse big enough to hold a couple bowling balls and finally pulled out a wallet. She flipped through half a dozen of those clear photo holders and then pulled out one picture and handed it to me.
“This one is a couple of years old. A guy took it for us when we were at the beach in Miami on vacation.”
I laid the picture on my desk without really looking at it.
“OK, now, where is this dance club and what nights does it meet?”
“It’s called “Dancing With Divine”, and the woman who teaches it has a dance studio over on Elmwood Drive. The classes are on Tuesday and Thursday nights from seven until nine.”
That was all I really needed to get started except her phone number and address. Once she gave them to me, I smiled.
“Mrs. Wilson, I’ll see what I can find out in the next couple of days and then give you a call and tell you what I know so far. We can talk about what you want to do then.”
As I watched Andrea walk out my door, I had to shake my head. She seemed a little shy, but if she wanted her husband to fuck her like she’d said and he told her he was too tired, he was either dumb as a pile of dog shit or he was fucking some other broad.
I found it hard to believe there were many women who’d be better. I’d have loved seeing her blue eyes looking up at me when she said, “Fuck me Harry, right now”. Well, that’s what I imagined her saying. She probably wouldn’t have been quite so direct, but the thought did give my cock a little twinge.
I’d only glanced at the picture she’d handed me, but when I picked it up to get a better look at Warren, I figured that pile of dog shit probably had at least a few IQ points advantage over Warren. The picture was of them both on the beach. Andrea was wearing a bikini, something you couldn’t get most fifty year old women to ever wear in public, and she was hot. It wasn’t a tiny little bikini because if it had been, it would never have been able to keep her big heavy tits covered. The bottoms weren’t tiny either, but they didn’t have to be to show me her ass would have been fantastic when naked. Yeah, she did have a little tummy, but if she was naked, I wouldn’t have been looking at that. She had pretty nice legs too.
Warren was wearing trunks that looked more like shorts, and he was not hot by any stretch of the imagination. I’d figured Andrea for about five feet two. Warren had to be at least six-six, and if he had any muscle on that lanky frame, he was hiding it very well. I’d have guessed him at maybe one-eighty if he’d just had a big meal. He had dark brown hair, what there was left of it on his head, and I’d had more chest hair when I was sixteen.
Well, that put this case in a different light. I couldn’t imagine any woman hard up enough to spread her legs for Warren.
Well, there was Emily, a woman I’d helped by finding out it was her next door neighbor who’d been taking her panties off the clothes line in her back yard. She said she liked the fresh air smell when she dried them in the sun, so she never put her underwear in her dryer. She had one of those square, fold-up clothesline things in her backyard and she clipped her bras and panties to the cords and let them dry in the sun. She’d always hang them out before she went grocery shopping and when she came back home, a couple pairs of panties would be missing. That had been happening for almost a month.
She was willing to pay me to find out how that was happening, so I was willing to find out. She said it wasn’t the cost of the panties. It was that she felt violated. Well, I could kind of understand why she thought that. I mean, underwear is pretty personal stuff.
I just couldn’t understand why anybody would want her panties. Emily was a pretty big girl, and the panties she liked weren’t thongs or boy shorts. They were what my ex used to call “granny panties”, and hanging there on her clothesline thing, they looked more like satin pillow cases with leg holes.
Anyway, I found a spot in the alley behind her house where I could park and see her panties flapping in the breeze. As soon as she drove off, her neighbor came out of his back door, looked both ways, and then trotted over and pulled a red pair and a pink pair off the cords and went back home.
I showed Emily the pictures the next afternoon, and she was pissed. She asked me if I’d go with her when she talked to her neighbor. I’d only spent about two hours getting the pictures and she’d paid me for two days work that I’d told her wasn’t refundable, so I said I would.
People never cease to amaze me. I mean, there are some people in this world who are…well, let’s just say it’s really hard to understand why they do the fucking things they do. When Emily knocked on the guy’s door he answered it and he was grinning.
“Hi, Emily. What can I do for you today?”
Emily frowned back at him.
“You can stop stealing my panties off of my clothes line and you can give me back the ones you already took. Why do you do that anyway? Are you just weird or something?”
He grinned at her again.
“Well, I figured that’s as close as I’d ever get to you.”
Emily stared at him for a few seconds, then sort of smiled and started fiddling with her hair.
“You want to get close to me?”
“Well, sure. I think you’re pretty hot.”
I looked at the guy, then at Emily’s big ass and then looked at the guy again. He didn’t look crazy or like he was sick or anything like that. If anything, he looked like some fucking sixteen year old kid looking at a nudie magazine. Emily smiled a funny little smile and batted her eyelashes at him.
“If you wanted my panties, why didn’t you just ask me?”
The guy’s eyes lit up like searchlights.
“You’d have given them to me?”
Emily shook her head and grinned.
“No…but I’d have let you take them off me if you wanted to.”
Well, that was enough for me. I told Emily I had to get back to my office. When I left, she was walking into his house, he was helping her along with a hand on her ass, and she was giggling something about how neighbors should get to know each other really well.
Anyway, Emily was horny enough she’d probably have made the same offer to Warren, but I could understand why. I mean, I like a woman to have an ass big enough I can have something to hold on to, but well…when people say there can be too much of a good thing…that was Emily. She probably didn’t get a lot of dates, much less get herself fucked very often, so I could understand why she didn’t beat around the bush with her neighbor. I figured he was going to be doing some beating around in Emily’s bush in a little while and that would make her happy.
I figured this was going to be an easy case because I wouldn’t have to stake out Warren and Andrea’s house to see where he actually went on Tuesday and Thursday nights, at least not unless he wasn’t really going to the dance class. That would be easy enough to find out. All I’d have to do was drive over to Divine’s dance studio before seven and watch to see if Warren went inside.
On Tuesday night, I parked across the street in an office parking lot about six thirty and watched the door of the studio. Warren got there about a quarter til seven and went inside. So far, so good. All I had to do now was wait until he came out. If he was doing somebody from class on the side, he’d probably leave with her and they’d head out to her house or a motel. I’d follow them there, take a few pictures of him going inside with her, and then wait until they came out again and take a few more pictures.
I needed pictures of them both going in her house or a motel together and at least one of Warren coming back out. The time stamp on my camera would prove he’d done more than just escort the woman to the door, and that was something I needed. Most women won’t believe their husband is fucking another woman unless they see proof he was with that woman for long enough to wet the wick at least once.
I’d just settled down with my ham sandwich to wait when there was a tap on my side window. The guy standing there had on the standard security guard uniform – dark gray pants, light blue shirt, and dark gray jacket with an official looking gold badge on his left breast pocket and a flashlight and walkie-talkie on his service belt. I rolled down my window and asked if I could help him. He frowned at me.
“Mister, you can’t park here. Didn’t you see the sign?”
Well, I had, but I figured that was only during business hours and that’s what I told him. He shook his head.
“Don’t matter what time it is. This parking lot is for employees only. You move your car or I’ll call the police and have you arrested for trespassing and have your car towed.”
He didn’t seem like he’d be interested in any negotiation, so I started my car, pulled out of the lot, and looked for another place to park. I didn’t want to park in the studio lot. It wasn’t very big, and if Warren was getting some on the side and saw me sitting there, it was possible he’d figure out I was watching him.
I couldn’t find anything close enough I could watch the door or the parking lot, so I needed another approach. I was half-way home when I realized all I really had to do was join the dance class and take a few lessons. If Warren left with some woman, I’d just leave at the same time and then follow them. I wasn’t too hot on taking dance lessons, and Warren would know who I was, but it was the easiest way to watch what he was doing.
On Thursday night, I put on clean jeans and a clean shirt, and then drove over to the Divine’s studio about six thirty and went in. I was the first person there, which is what I’d hoped to be, and when the woman sitting at a table saw me she smiled.
“Hi. I’m Divine. Are you here to learn to dance?”
I had to smile back, because she was pretty divine. She was maybe a little younger than me, but not by much, and though I didn’t really care for the way she had her black hair done up in a bun, the rest of her looked like sex getting ready to happen. Dancers have really nice asses.
“Yeah, I thought I’d try it a couple of times and see if I liked it.”
“You didn’t bring your wife along? Most women love dancing.”
“No, I’m not married.”
“Well, if you learn to dance, a handsome guy like you will have women beating down your door wanting to do more than dance.”
I appreciated the sales pitch, but I’m not stupid enough to believe what she said about me being handsome. I’m not handsome. I think most women consider me a “Not great, but I’d fuck him on the fifth or sixth date” kind of guy. That seems to be the way it used to work out anyway. I haven’t had an actual date in ten years, so I don’t know if it’s the same now. I was pretty sure I hadn’t gotten any better looking.
Divine smiled and handed me a piece of paper and a pen.
“Just fill out my form so I have your name, address, phone number and email address. You don’t have to join the club until you’re sure you like dancing. All you have to do is pay twenty dollars each night you come for lessons. It’s fifty dollars to join after that, but the lessons only cost members ten dollars, so if you join, you’ll break even in five lessons. We have several unescorted women who take lessons and come to our dances, and they’ll love dancing with you.”
The other people started filing in a little after that, including Warren, and right at seven, Divine cleared her throat to quiet the conversation and then introduced me.
“Class, this is Harry Meers and he wants to learn to dance. I’m really happy to have another man in the class. You ladies will get to practice more now.”
Well, that was probably true. The class was fifteen women and six men including me, and a couple of the men looked old enough I was surprised they weren’t using canes or walkers. It was good that they were dancing and I hope when I’m that age I still feel good enough to move around, but it was obvious the women in the class were happy I was there. They were all grinning like cats about to eat a mouse.
The lesson that night was rumba, and after Divine demonstrated the woman’s part, I figured I was going to like watching Divine dance more than anything else about the class. Like I said, she had a really nice ass, and I kept wondering if that ass would be doing the same thing in bed.
Divine taught the class what she called a pattern, but before she started, she paired me up with Melanie, an older woman with white hair who had probably been a real looker in her day because she still wasn’t bad. Melanie was going to teach me what the other class members already knew.
Melanie grinned when Divine said, “Melanie is one of my best dancers. She’ll get you up to speed really fast.”
Melanie looked like she was probably close to seventy, but she didn’t act that old. She walked up, grinned and held out her arms.
“Put your right hand on my shoulder blade and take my right hand in your left. This is called ‘frame’ and it’s how you tell me what you want me to do.”
I took her right hand in my left and then reached around Melanie to put my hand on her shoulder blade. She grinned.
“You can get closer to me than that. I won’t bite you.”
She moved toward me then and used her left hand to push my right arm into her side. When I felt the side of her soft tit, she stopped pushing.
“That’s better. I need your arm right there so I can feel what you’re doing, but you’re all noodle arms. Stiffen up a little so I can tell you’re there. That’s better. Now, here’s how this works. When you want me to go backward, you just take a step toward me. When you want me to go forward, you just take a step away from me.”
She winked at me then.
“It’s just like something else I like to do. You move and I do what you make me feel like doing.”
I had to grin at her, because there wasn’t much question in my mind about what she really meant. The little sparkle in her eyes told me Melanie knew exactly what she’d said.
Melanie smiled back at me.
“OK, now I’ll teach you the rumba basic.”
Melanie went through the steps for me and then said, “Let’s dance, but I’m not going to lead. You’ll have to do that.”
I listened for the downbeat and when I heard it coming I stepped forward. Evidently I stepped a little too far too fast, because I ran my chest into Melanie’s tits.
She just giggled.
“Well, that was fun, but you have to take smaller steps because I can’t do my cuban motion and take big steps at the same time.”
“What’s cuban motion?”
“Watch me while I dance.”
I did watch Melanie’s ass while she danced for a few seconds, and it was pretty amazing. Her ass wasn’t really wide, but it had a life all its own. If she hadn’t been quite so old, I’d have been fantasizing about her ass. Well, actually, I did fantasize, but only for a little while because she came back to me grinning.
“That’s cuban motion.”
“So I see. You look really sexy. I don’t see any of the other women doing that. I’ll bet they’re jealous.”
“The other girls are too embarrassed to do it. They think it’s nasty. I kinda like feeling nasty, so I like doing it.”
Melanie smiled at me and squeezed my hand then.
“Thank you for saying I look sexy. I don’t get men telling me that much anymore. It makes me feel really good.”
She winked at me then.
“Ready to try it again…without mashing my boobies this time?”
Rumba wasn’t hard to learn, so it wasn’t long before I was dancing Melanie around in a circle. Once I could do that, she taught me how to turn her. By the end of the night, I’d learned the basic, the turn, and a couple of simple patterns, and I’d danced a lot with Melanie.
When Divine said the class was over, Melanie smiled at me and her eyes kind of sparkled again.
“We’re having a dance tomorrow night. Will you be here?”
I saw Warren walking toward the door and I didn’t want to get into a conversation with Melanie and lose him. I just smiled and said if she was coming to the dance, I’d be there. When I left, she was still smiling, and I think that sparkle in her eyes was a little brighter.
When I got outside, Warren was just getting into his car and I hadn’t seen anybody walk out with him. I let him get out of the parking lot and onto the street before I started following him. He just went home, so I did too.
I’d been watching him on and off over the evening, but he didn’t seem to favor one woman over any other and he’d danced with them all. That was because there were so many more women than men. Divine had the men rotate through the women so the women all got to dance what she’d taught.
The only thing odd about him was something I’d seen while the other people were filing in. Warren kept looking at the door like he was expecting somebody. If he was, evidently they didn’t show, because once Divine started her lesson, he stopped watching the door. Even if I hadn’t told Melanie I’d be at the dance on Friday night, I’d have to be there in case that special person showed up.
Friday morning, I served a couple notices to appear in court, but they went pretty well. Lester Boggs wasn’t happy about having to go to small claims court and he let me know that.
“That goddamned bitch’s dog shit all over my front yard. All I did was pick up all the dog turds and then put them in her flower bed. Now she’s suing my ass for killing her flowers. It was her fucking dog that made the turds. All I did was give ‘em back to her.”
Betty Michaels was happy to get the summons.
“That man made my sister’s life hell. You wouldn’t believe the things he wanted her to do. I mean, I like guys just as much as the next girl, but five at the same time? I’m gonna have a great time telling the judge about all that.”
Friday afternoon, I typed up the invoices for the notices and mailed them, then had a frozen pizza as an early dinner. By six thirty, I was showered, shaved, and dressed in what I hoped would be the right clothes for a dance, and I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the Divine’s studio.
About ten til seven, Warren drove into the lot and walked into the building. That was my cue to do the same. I wanted to watch him in case that special person showed up so I could find out who she was.
Like the night before, Warren spent a lot of time watching the door. He did socialize a little, but every time the door opened the sounds of the traffic outside came in and Warren looked up at the door. He’d look up with this hopeful look on his face, and then frown when whoever it was walked inside.
Melanie came in about five ‘til seven, and I had to smile. She’d gone all the way with a sparkly dress, black stockings, and black heels. I was pretty sure she’d done something with her hair too, and her lips were a bright red. When she walked up to me I gave her the old wolf whistle and she blushed.
“Oh, I’m not that good.”
“You mean all the men in the room are looking at you for some other reason?”
“Are they…are they really?”
“Yeah, well except for that really tall guy over there.”
Melanie waved her hand.
“Oh, that’s just Warren. He’s waiting for Marsha Zane to get here.”
Well, now I knew who Warren had been waiting on.
“Who’s Marsha Zane? Was she here last night?”
Melanie shook her head.
“No, she wasn’t here, and I’m glad. Marsha is a tramp. That’s what we used to call girls like her. She’s been making eyes at Warren for the last six months. I don’t know why he likes her except she’s as tall as he is.”
About then, the door opened and a tall, slender woman with short, dark brown hair walked in. Her face looked kind of hard, so she wasn’t especially pretty and she didn’t have very big tits. Her ass wasn’t all that great either. Warren grinned as soon as he saw her and she grinned back.
He was grinning because Marsha was making the most of what tits and ass she did have. She was wearing a dress, and the neck was scooped low enough she had as much cleavage showing as her trick bra could muster without her nipples peeking out. The dress fit so tight and was so short on the bottom, when she sat down the lace tops of her stockings showed.
Melanie poked me in the ribs and grinned.
“You’re looking at her too. Better watch it or she’ll be after you instead of Warren. You’re a lot nicer looking man than Warren is. You see what I mean about her, though, don’t you?”
“Yeah. It looks like she’s advertising what she has, though I don’t think what she has is all that great. I wonder why Warren does.”
Melanie leaned over and whispered, “Oh, it’s worse than that. The last couple of dances, they left in the middle, one right after the other. I think Warren’s already bought what she’s advertising. They’re both married too. Can you imagine that?”
I danced the first rumba with Melanie that night, but since I didn’t know any other dances, I mostly watched Warren and Marsha after that. Both danced with other people, but about every other dance, Warren would walk up to Marsha and hold out his hand. She’d smile, stand up, and they’d start dancing.
Melanie danced with the other guys a little, but every time Divine played a rumba, she’d smile and ask me if I was going to ask one of the other women to dance or if she could have me. It was tempting because there were a couple of women there who were pretty nice. I didn’t though. Melanie was a pretty good source of information about Warren and Marsha, and I didn’t want to do anything that would stop her from telling me more.
During one song I recognized as a fast, big-band tune, Melanie poked me in the ribs again.
“Watch what they do in this one.”
I was watching. I was watching enough I saw Warren spin Marsha several times, and each time he did, he let his right hand swipe her tits. Melanie chuckled at that.
“There he goes again, touching her boobies. He always does that and she always just grins. In my day, no girl would have let a man do that unless they were married…well, I did a few times, but that was different. I was a little wilder than most girls were back then.”
She grinned at me with her sparkly eyes again.
“I wouldn’t mind if that happened again once in a while. Since my Oscar passed, I haven’t had anybody touch my boobies except me and my cat.”
“You’re a widow?”
“Yes, I lost Oscar about five years ago. He had a heart attack.”
I said I was sorry for her. Melanie just smiled.
“Thank you, but it wasn’t a big shock. Oscar had two before the one that got him. It ran in his family. It was hard at first, but I do fine by myself for the most part.”
I was going to ask her about the other part just to see what she’d say, but I saw Marsha pick up her purse and walk toward the door. Warren didn’t follow her. I turned to Melanie and asked if Marsha always left early and she shook her head.
“No, she’s just going outside to smoke. I saw the cigarettes in your pocket. Are you going to go have one too? If you are, just remember what I said about her coming after you.”
I said I thought I would, and Melanie smiled.
“Just so you come back. Divine will play a slow song in a little while, and I want to dance it with you.”
When I walked outside, Marsha smiled.
“At least there’s one other smoker in the group now. I haven’t seen you here before. What’s your name?”
I said I was Harry and she held out her hand.
“I’m Marsha. Pleased to meet you. Does your wife dance too or is it just you?”
“Well, I’m not married. Haven’t been for almost thirty years now.”
“That why you’re sticking so close to Melanie? I’d think you could do better than her. She’s almost seventy.”
Marsha smiled a smile designed to show me she was interested.
“I’m only forty-one.”
Right after she said that, she stroked her hand around the curve of her hip. Yep, Marsha was fishing, just like Melanie said she would. I decided to see how far she might go.
“Well, I’m dancing with Melanie because the only dance I know is rumba and she taught me that last night. I’d like to dance with the other women, but I don’t know how to ask them.”
Marsha took a drag on her cigarette and then let the smoke flow out of her mouth when she spoke.
“It’s easy because they’re all horny as hell. All you’d have to do is walk up, hold out your hand, and say, ‘May I have this dance’. They’ll fall all over themselves standing up and fall all over you once you start to dance.”
“So, if I asked you to dance, you’d dance with me.”
“Honey, I’d do anything you wanted to do with me.”
“I haven’t seen many of the other men, well except for one, ask you to dance.”
“That’s because all of them except Warren are afraid of me.”
I asked her why that would be and she chuckled again.
“Well, I’m so tall, when they get close to me, my boobs are right in their face…”
“…not that I mind them looking. Warren is tall too, so that doesn’t happen with him and he’s not afraid of me.”
I finished my cigarette and said I’d better be getting back to Melanie or she’d think we were off doing something together. Marsha giggled.
“Well, I promise I’d be better than her if we were.”
When I got back to my table, Melanie leaned over and whispered, “Did she do her tramp thing with you?”
“Yeah, she’s just like you said she was. I wonder if her husband knows how she is.”
“I don’t know but if he does, he must not care. Oscar would never have let me do that. Of course, he took really good care of me that way, so I didn’t want to.”
Melanie sighed then.
“I do miss that part. I mostly got over missing Oscar, but I still miss that.”
Divine put on a slow song a little after that, and Melanie stood up.
“Let’s dance this one.”
I said I didn’t know how to do any dance to that music and she just giggled.
“This isn’t a dance you do a regular dance too. Look at Warren and Marsha.”
Melanie was right. They were in the standard dance position, but Marsha was pressed up against Warren about as tight as she could get. He had his hand on her shoulder blade, but while I watched, that hand dropped down to the swell of her hip.
“See”, giggled Melanie, “It’s not really a dance. It’s more like foreplay. Now, come on before the music stops.”
We danced, sort of. Melanie pushed her tits into my chest and laid her cheek on my shoulder, and we just sort of rocked back and forth. When the music ended, Melanie fanned her face with her hands and said, “Whew. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. It must be all those muscles you have. I didn’t realize an architect would be so strong.”
When Melanie had asked what I did for a living, I couldn’t very well tell her I was a PI or she’d have asked what I was doing there. Instead I told her I was an architect for one of the local architectural firms.
I grinned at her.
“Well, designing buildings isn’t all I do.”
She stroked my arm.
“Someday you’ll have to show me those other things. I’d really like to see them.”
I’d been watching Warren and Marsha, and it looked like Warren was getting ready to leave. I was expecting Marsha to follow him. She did about five minutes later. I needed to be in the parking lot to see if they met up and went somewhere together.
I pulled my cell phone from the case on my belt, tapped the screen, and said “Harry here. What’s the problem?” After faking listening to someone on the other end, I said, “OK, I’ll be there in about half an hour. I tapped the screen again, and then turned to Melanie.
“Melanie, I have to leave. There’s some sort of problem with the building going up in the industrial park on Parkland Road. I hate to leave, but I’ll have to be there to tell them how to fix it.”
Melanie said she understood, but she looked a little sad.
“Will you be back for class next Tuesday?”
I said I would, but I needed to go right then. That was the truth, because Marsha had just started toward the door.
When I got outside, I looked for Warren’s car but it wasn’t in the lot. I got to mine and then waited until Marsha drove out of the parking lot. If they were going to meet up somewhere, that’s where she’d be going so I’d follow her and see where that was.
Where she went was one of the little motels that you can still find around the suburbs of the city. They used to sit on the main highways in and out of town, but that was before the big chains started building hotels with spas, pools, and workout rooms right after the new interstate highways were built. Now, most of these little motels are permanent housing for those on fixed incomes, but a few still rent rooms for the night, and they don’t ask for much information if you pay in cash.
When Marsha knocked on the door, Warren answered. I got a picture of them kissing in the doorway while Warren cupped her ass. They went inside then so I settled down to wait. It was only nine thirty, so they could have a nice slow fuck and still get home like they’d stayed at the dance until it ended at eleven.
Sure enough, at about eleven, the door to the room opened, and they both walked out. They walked to the office together – I figured so Warren could turn in the room key – and then walked back to Marsha’s car. I got several pictures of them together with Warren’s arm around Marsha, a couple of pictures of Warren with his hand down the front of Marsha’s dress, and a couple more of them kissing. He went to his car then and left before Marsha did.
I couldn’t see what she was doing, but I figure she was fucking around with her hair and trying to find her car keys. Most women do that as soon as they get into a car. They have to look at themselves in the rear-view mirror, fluff up their hair, and then spend a couple minutes digging in their purse for their car keys. You’d think they’d have a special pocket where they always put their keys, but all the women I’ve tailed seem to do the same thing.
I followed Marsha out into the suburbs to a pretty nice house. She pulled into the drive, got out, and walked inside. The drapes on the picture window in what I figured was the living room were open, and I got a couple pictures of Marsha walking up to the guy standing there, putting her arms around his neck and then kissing him. A little while later, they left the room and that light went out, and a few seconds after than, another window at the far end of the house lit up. The white drapes were closed on that window, but I could still see their silhouettes. It looked like the guy was unhooking her bra.
The light went out then, but I had enough to prove to myself that Melanie had probably been right about Marsha being a tramp. Marsha was going to fuck her husband after Warren had already fucked her. Some guys get off on that sort of thing. I never wanted any part of sloppy seconds, but that’s what some guys seem to like.
The next morning, I checked the phone book for Marsha Zane. I didn’t find her, but there was a Mr. and Mrs. Rick Zane, and the address was the same as the one where Marsha had driven the night before. That meant he had to be her husband and he had to know what she was doing. There was no way he wouldn’t know that if he’d fucked her when she got home.
The next afternoon, I called Andrea and said I had something to show her. She sounded pissed when she said she already knew but she’d be down anyway.
When Andrea walked into my office, she did look pissed, and also like she’d been crying. Her eyes were a little red.
She looked at me and said, “You found them together didn’t you?”
“Yes. They went to a motel about an hour and a half before the dance would have ended, and left the motel about eleven. You look like you’ve been crying. Did he tell you that’s what they did?”
“No. This morning he told me he wanted me out of the house because he didn’t love me any more and had found somebody new.”
“So, what did you do?”
“I picked up some of my clothes and went to my mother’s house. I can’t believe he’d do that. Well, I can believe he was screwing another woman, but I can’t believe he’d just throw me out like that. It’s like I’m some toy he got tired of and threw in the garbage. Am I really that bad? I mean, I know I’ve put on a few pounds, but I thought he liked the way I look. He always said he did.”
I smiled, hoping to make her feel at least a little better.
“Andrea, I don’t know why he’d do that. I sure wouldn’t have done anything like that to you. You’re pretty foxy.”
“Well, let me see who’s going to take my place.”
I showed her the pictures I took and when she’d looked at the last one, she looked up at me.
“She isn’t even pretty, and she doesn’t have much of a figure. Why would he choose her over me?”
“Well, I’m just guessing here, but I followed her home last night. When she got there, her husband was waiting for her. It looked to me like they went to bed together because I saw what looked like him undressing her. I’m also pretty sure she and Warren didn’t spend over an hour in that motel room talking about dancing. If her husband did take her to bed, he’d have known.
“There are some guys who like the idea of their wives having sex with other men. What I think is her husband is one of those guys and probably encourages her to find a guy, have sex with him, and then come home and tell him about what happened because it turns him on. I don’t think Warren knows that and thinks she’ll move in with him, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think she’s just doing what she and her husband like to do.”
Andrea wiped a tear from her eye with a tissue.
“So where does that leave me?”
“Well, that depends upon you. If I were you, I’d divorce him. In my experience, if he did it once, he’ll probably do it again. He might deny it ever happened, but if she’s like I think she is, she’ll be happy to tell a judge it did. Any decent divorce lawyer should be able to get you the house and enough money to start over.”
Andrea stood up then.
“I’ll have to think about it some more. You keep the pictures. If I take them, Warren might find them. If I decide to get a lawyer, I’ll have you give the pictures to him.”
After she left, I poured myself half a jelly glass of scotch and lit a cigarette, then propped my feet up on my desk. It was a shame that Warren was so fucking dumb he couldn’t see through what Marsha was doing. I mean, I know I’m no prize either and I’d know if some married woman wanted to fuck me it wasn’t because she had the hots for me. Well, that’s not entirely true, but it only happened once. She was pissed at her husband and had had a few drinks before she ended up in my office.
No, Andrea was what most men want – nice big tits and a nice round ass that would probably look even better naked. I hoped she’d divorce the asshole and start a new life for herself. I didn’t think she was going to have to try very hard to find another man. It was more likely she have to keep saying no until she found one she liked.
On Saturday, I served a couple more notices to appear. It’s sometimes easier to do on a Saturday morning because most people don’t leave the house on Saturday until after lunch.
Marcy Jacobs hadn’t even gotten dressed when I knocked on her door. For a second after she opened the door, I forgot why I was there. She was wearing a flimsy little wrap-around nightgown thing without a belt and trying to hold it closed over her tits. That wasn’t working out very well, because when she took the summons, the robe fell open and her tits popped out. She blushed, backed up, and closed the door in my face, but not before I saw some really big nipples.
Roger Ellis had gotten dressed, but the woman I could see laying on the couch hadn’t. She was laying there and rubbing her tits, and while Roger was reading the summons, she said, “Come on, Baby, I need your dick.” He just grinned and shut the door.
Sunday I didn’t do anything in the morning except have a cup of coffee and a cigarette while checking my bank account on line. It’s pretty neat that you can do that now. All you have to do is sign on to the website and there it is, every transaction you’ve made in the last month. Before, I’d have had to go through a bunch of pages of printed crap to see if my total balanced with the bank. If it didn’t, I’d have to go down there and talk to Rhoda.
If Rhoda hadn’t been such a bitch, I wouldn’t have minded talking to her. I wouldn’t have minded fucking her either, but I figured she’d bitch the whole time then too and my cock wouldn’t stay hard enough. With on-line banking, if something didn’t jive, I could just send Rhoda an email and tell her we differed somewhere and could she make sure what I thought was a double entry was or wasn’t.
I took a nap after lunch and didn’t wake up until I heard somebody knocking on my door. When I opened it, there stood Andrea. I asked her to come in, and once she was sitting at my desk, asked her if she wanted the pictures.
Andrea nodded and smiled.
“You were right about that Marsha woman. Warren called me this morning and asked me to come back because they were done with each other. He didn’t tell me why, but he said she was the one who ended it.”
“Are you going back to him then?”
Andrea shook her head.
“Nope. He made his bed and he can sleep in it by himself. I’m going to call an attorney tomorrow morning.”
“Well, like I said, if he did it once, he’ll probably do it again. I think you’re making a wise choice. I can tell you from experience because I got divorced, it’ll be hard at first, but it gets easier.”
“Oh, it already is easier, well, except for one thing. I do want another man, but I’m worried it’ll be hard to find one. There are a lot more single women my age than single men.”
“I don’t think you have to worry too much about that. All you’ll have to be concerned about is picking the right one.”
“I don’t know”, she said. “From what I read in the magazines at the hair dresser, men want a woman to do all these things with them that I’ve never even thought about doing before.”
“Oh, like…well, I can’t even say the word, but you know how you eat a popsicle? The magazines say you’re supposed to do that now.”
“Well, that’s not one of my favorites and I’d guess it isn’t for a lot of men.”
“The magazines say the woman is supposed to like it when the man does her that way too. I don’t know if I could let a man do that to me or not. It seems kind of nasty.”
“Well, that is one of my favorite things.”
“I don’t know…maybe if the guy really liked it. I’m still worried about the weight I’ve gained too. All the girls in the magazines are these skinny little girls with no boobs and no butt. I have a lot of both.”
I had to smile.
“Andrea, I can assure you that most men like women like you a lot more than they like those skinny models.”
She looked at me and grinned.
“So, if you could, you’d …I mean, you’d think I was good enough.”
“No, Andrea, you’re more than good enough.”
“If you really believe that, would you show me what you’re talking about.”
“Well, I don’t think that would be right. You’re still married.”
She just smiled.
“So was that Marsha woman and it didn’t stop her. I’m not going to be married much longer, so why should I be different and have to wait?”
If she hadn’t been unbuttoning her blouse then, I’d have said I couldn’t, but that would have just hurt her feelings and I don’t like doing that to a woman. They usually cry and that makes me feel like the heartless bastard my ex always told me I was.
Yeah, I know. I said I never do this, but Andrea looked like she needed someone to make her feel better about herself. Besides, like she said, she was almost not married.
I didn’t let her take off her blouse right there in my office. I got her back to my bed before she could, and then I finished the job for her. She was blushing when I slipped it off her soft shoulders.
“I hope you don’t think my boobs are too big. They’re a lot bigger than they used to be.”
After I unhooked her bra and eased it away from her tits, I tossed it into the chair beside my bed and then lifted a big tit in each hand. She shivered when I used my thumbs to stroke her nipples and then whispered, “Does that mean you like me?”
“If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t have done that, now would I?”
Well, that started her trying to work her jeans down over her ass and I thought it only right that I help. I admit I did spend some time playing with her ass cheeks, but they were great ass cheeks – really soft and smooth, and I liked the way she caught her breath when I ran a finger down her ass crack.
“Oooh… I never felt that before.”
“Did you like it?”
“Mmmm…I don’t know. Maybe if you do it again…”
Once I got her jeans off, I stripped and then pushed her back on the bed. I cupped her pussy through her pink panties at first just because I like the feel of crinkly hair under nylon, but I couldn’t leave them on her for very long. After I rolled them down over her ass cheeks and then pulled them down her legs, I lifted her legs at the knees, spread them, and then knelt down between her smooth thighs.
Andrea looked a little afraid when I grinned, but that only lasted until I separated her pussy lips with my thumbs. She closed her eyes then and whispered, “Just don’t do it all at once so I can get used to it”.
It was interesting how fast she got used to my tongue between her pussy lips. One second she was just lying there and the next, her tummy sort of rolled and she whispered, “Oh, my God.”
She didn’t seem to be too concerned about how fast I went after that. I think that was because she was wiggling her ass all over the place, and the more I licked, the more her ass wiggled. She started to pant a little later and then moaned, “This never happened so fast unless I did it myself, but if you keep doing that –“
Andrea didn’t finish what she was going to say. Instead, she gasped, arched up, and I felt her pussy sort of suck in and then push back out. When it did, I felt a little warm stuff flow onto my chin.
I sucked her clit then, and after she pushed my face down against her pussy and made some loud moans, Andrea came hard enough I had to hold on to her bucking ass so I could keep my lips on her clit.
When she stopped humping my face, Andrea chuckled.
“I didn’t think it would be like that. I’ve been missing out on a lot.”
“Yeah, it was fun for me too.”
She raised her head enough she could see over her big tits and frowned.
“Is that all I get?”
“Oh, hell no. We’ve just gotten started.”
She grinned, then let her head fall back on the pillow.
“If that was the start, I can’t wait to get to the end.”
Well, the end was pretty fantastic, but the middle was great too.
I was going to let Andrea coast down a little, but she wasn’t having any of that. As soon as I got out from between her legs and was lying beside her, she put one soft thigh over mine and whispered, “Put it in me now.”
I remember thinking Warren must have never really given Andrea a chance to show him how hot she could be. When she pushed her big right tit in my face, I decided it was a wonder Warren was smart enough to tie his own shoes.
I closed my lips around Andrea’s nipple and sucked a little. That’s when I felt her trying to spear her pussy with my stiff cock. She missed the first couple tries, and instead, my cock slid between her wet pussy lips and then up over her clit. She jerked her body hard when that happened, and she moaned, but she kept trying.
By then, I’d decided Warren probably was dumb enough he needed someone to tell him when to breathe because Andrea reached down, grabbed my cock and pushed it down to her entrance. She made a little, “Oh”, when my cock head entered her and then groaned when I pushed my cock home.
There’s not a lot to tell about the rest except that Andrea kept moving her body around as I stroked my cock in and out of her snug pussy. I think she was doing that to make herself feel really good. I know she was doing that to me. I sucked her left nipple in my mouth and ran my finger down between her ass cheeks again to help her along.
That was probably a mistake, the running my finger down between her ass cheeks thing, because when I did, Andrea gasped and her pussy clamped down around my cock. I knew if she did that much more, I was going to have trouble staying with her, so I just squeezed her ass cheek and nipped her nipple with my teeth a little.
Well, that caused Andrea to lurch down over my cock, clamp her pussy again, and start to pant. This was going way to fast for me, but short of not touching her at all, I couldn’t find anything that didn’t make her do that. I couldn’t just stop touching her and sucking her nipple though. She was way too much woman for me to do that. I just tried to hold on as long as I could.
I didn’t really have to hold on for all that long. One minute Andrea was panting away and stroking my back, and the next, she gasped, “Oh God, it’s happening again.”
She arched into my cock and dug her nails into my back as the first wave shook her from her toes to her tits. All that shaking tipped me over the edge and my first spurt made me groan. Andrea cried out then and sort of lost control of everything. If I hadn’t been holding on to her ass, she’d have pulled off my cock and I’d have shot the next two spurts on her tummy.
In the process of ramming my cock in her and cumming, I let one finger stray between her ass cheeks again, and that made her arch her back and pull her nipple out of my mouth. Since I was still sucking it, it popped out with a little smack. Andrea screeched and started rocking her pussy over my cock so fast all I could do was hang on.
Andrea started to calm down a little while later, but if I touched her anywhere, she’d make a little mewing sound and her pussy would clamp down on my cock. I decided any man as goddamned dumb as Warren didn’t deserve a woman like Andrea.
When Andrea finally calmed down, she patted me on the back and giggled.
“If I’d known it could be like this, I’d have come to see you a lot sooner. Let’s do it again.”
About two hours later, Andrea left my office humming to herself. I walked her to the door, and then went back to bed. She’d drained me dry and I was whipped. That last time, she’d gotten adventurous and climbed on top of me. Between her sliding her wet pussy up and down my cock and poking her tits in my face so I’d suck them until she came hard, she’d pretty much left my cock withered up to nothing.
I did a lot of paperwork on Monday. That means I read my mail and looked at the three subpoena’s I got so I could get them duly served by the next week.
Gregory Harmon was suing his wife for divorce on the grounds of adultery, but his wife claimed he knew and approved. He said he’d told her it was OK if she fucked somebody else but when she’d brought the neighbor lady over for some fun and games, he’d told her he didn’t mean women.
I don’t know what he was thinking. I mean, fucking a woman is pretty great, but having the chance to watch two women playing and maybe getting to fuck them both… Of course, I’d never seen Gregory’s wife or their neighbor, so maybe it wouldn’t have been a much fun as it sounds.
I’d served Mary Elliot before for the same reason. She’d accumulated over fifty parking tickets. The last time, she’d tried to hide on me by wearing a wig, but I knew where she lived now so I didn’t have to chase her down. All I’d have to do was wait outside her house until she came home.
Charlie Johnson hadn’t paid his child support in about a year, so he was going to have to go to court and pay his ex or go to jail for a while. Charlie lived out in the country so that one was going to take some work. He had about six hundred acres of farm and forest to hide in.
I’d had a frozen pizza for dinner and was happily sipping a scotch when there was a knock on my office door. When I opened it, there stood Melanie in a T-shirt and jeans. I asked her to come in, and after I closed and locked the door again, I asked her how I could help her.
“Divine gave me your address, so I just thought I’d come by and ask if you were going to be at the dance studio tomorrow night. After I read the sign on your door, I doubt you will though. Divine said Warren and his wife are getting a divorce. That’s why you left the dance early, isn’t it? You were just there to watch Warren and Marsha, weren’t you?”
“Yes, Warren’s wife wanted to know if there was anything going on between them.”
“Did you get pictures of them doing it like the private investigators on TV do.”
“No, I couldn’t get any pictures like that. They were inside a motel room. I got enough to prove they were there together though. Warren’s wife is satisfied. I doubt he is though. His wife told me Marsha called him to tell him it was over.”
“Well, that’s good, but she’ll probably start making eyes at one of the other men now…probably you if you come back.”
“Melanie, believe me. Marsha doesn’t have anything I want.”
“Oh. Why not? She always dresses really sexy.”
“Well, dressing sexy isn’t everything. I don’t think she’s a very nice person, and that’s what really counts with me.”
Melanie smiled a funny little smile.
“Do you think I’m a nice person?”
“Well, sure. You’re as nice as any woman I’ve ever met…nicer than a lot of them too.”
“So if I dressed sexy like Marsha, you’d want to…to do what she did with Warren?”
No, I’m not going to tell you what happened after that. All I’m going to say is never assume anything about a woman no matter how old she is. I never realized a lot of women still have those after once they get much past sixty or so. My ex was only twenty-four when she lost hers. Well, she just lost hers where I was concerned. The other guy she was fucking apparently found it and was keeping it for when they met up.
Let’s just say Melanie surprised me and leave it at that.
She said since she won’t get to dance with me on Friday, she’s going to come over on Saturday and we can… how did she put it…oh yeah…she grinned and her eyes sparkled and she said she’d teach me the horizontal hustle.
I know, but when you’re my age, well…and like I said, Melanie is still pretty damned hot.