Explained: Orgasm Denial
For most people, the primal aim of any sexual activity is achieving an orgasm, as it is during this fleeting period that the highly craved plethora of sensations is made manifest. Aside from this immense pleasure unreplicated by any other means, orgasms are known to proffer . The idea that someone would intentionally hinder themselves from reaching the climax of sexual indulgence may come off as strange to some people especially if they are new to the concept of orgasm denial.
Orgasm denial is a sexual practice that entails inducing and sustaining sexual arousal for elongated periods without eventual culmination in orgasm. While the concept has deep roots in the BDSM subculture, it is also practiced by individuals outside this context.
In the cynosure of BDSM, orgasm denial is a subcategory of orgasm control, characterized by a takeover of the submissive’s consent to an orgasm by the Dominant. In essence, the dominant dictates where and when the submissive gets to have an orgasm. Within this milieu, orgasm denial is used by the dominant as a tool in the overall control of the submissive. And the whole concept in this scenario, is a tale of contrasting fetishes, for the Dominant the idea that he/she is in control of the ultimate sexual state of another individual is in itself stimulation enough and for the submissive deprivation of orgasm and the sustenance of a continual state of heightened arousal is an exhilarating experience.
From a broader perspective, the practice can still be effectuated by everyday couples without taking up the Dominant – submissive stance. It is a well-known fact that tactfully orchestrated, orgasm denial is one of the most potent ways to heighten eventual climax and boost libido. By virtue of this, it is a choice practice for ordinary couples who seek a method to spice up their sexuality and general sex life.
Types of orgasm denial
There are several kinds of orgasm denial, which are primarily modifications of the types listed below. For individuals looking to inculcate the practice into their sexual lives any of this methods can be employed; the key is knowing which form of denial would be more convenient for both you and your partner.
- Complete Denial
In complete denial, abstinence from any sexual activity is enforced. Meaning that the parties involved have to refrain from any type of sexual stimulation through the agreed period. While most other forms of denial require physical and sensual stimulation to maintain a heightened state of arousal; complete denial relies on the psychological predisposition of the couple to keep sexual arousal at its peak. The mere thought of the reward at the end of the denial period which could last days, weeks, months or for those seeking the extreme, years, is sufficient to keep the sexual interest at its peak.
In a more BDSM like approach, the couple might decide to employ the use of chastity devices. More often than not the decision to use a chastity device is hinged on the power play in the relationship than it is for assurance sake. Chastity devices grant the dominant full control over the submissive’s, since he/she is usually in possession of the key to the apparatus. Such power play effectively cements the power hierarchy in the relationship highlighting the importance of complete denial as a tool to exert control over the submissive.
- Tease and Denial or Edging
Edging as it is popularly called, is similar to complete denial in that there is a restraint from orgasm and a scheduled time window. However, unlike total denial, edging allows for physical sexual stimulation. The catch here is that despite being stimulated and brought to the edge of an orgasm, stimulation is abruptly stopped leading to failed orgasm attempt. As you would expect the build-up of arousal is more intense in this form of denial. In comparison to complete denial where arousal build up is a steady and incremental, edging is characterized by accumulation of arousal in a wavy nature consequent of the alternating rise and fall of stimulation that never culminates in an orgasm.
Edging is a common practice in BDSM relationships (especially Femdom) as it ultimately leads to sexual frustration of the submissive which is one of the critical aims of the dominant figure.
- Ruined Orgasm
This technique takes orgasm denial a step further and allows the subject to experience an orgasm. However, the procedure is orchestrated in such a manner that the orgasmic event is bereft of the characteristic pleasure and sensations that accompany a regular orgasm. To achieve this the subject is stimulated past the point of no return (in men this occurs as soon as the ejaculatory reflex is initiated) and just as he/she is about to cum, stimulation is halted to be replaced by pain or discomfort; the consequence is a ruined orgasm. For males, another way to ruin an orgasm is to block the ejaculation of sperm; by either covering the opening of the urethra on the tip of the penis or lightly squeezing the penile shaft at the point below the glans. This way the flow of semen is halted thus ruining the pleasure that comes with ‘release.'
Done right the subject experiences minute contractions that carry a quiescent sensation which only hints that an orgasm has occurred but lacks the soothing and pleasant feeling characteristic of it.
Of all the aforementioned, the tease and denial technique is probably the most conducive way to initiate orgasm denial in a sexual relationship without any previous history of the practice. It allows you to weigh the reaction of your partner and helps you determine if they are up for it. An even subtler move would be to stimulate to an orgasmic point, but instead of complete cessation of stimulation one can reduce the intensity; sustaining stimulation (albeit in a toned down manner) ensures that your partner still gets sexual gratification (however minute) and is also introduced to the feeling of orgasm denial. Your partner’s reaction to subsequent sexual sessions orchestrated in this manner will help you determine if he/she is up for the practice. In the case where they crave for more, you can then proceed to full tease-denial before subsequently graduating to full blown total denial as the case may be.
If all this sounds too complicated, remember you always have the option of full disclosure. Let your partner know in no uncertain terms of your interest in the practice, and if they are up for it, you can start with the basics and proceed to more complex forms of the practice as per your preference.