A Short History of Fellatio
Four hundred thousand years ago, give or take a few millennia, Ughma, a strapping young Neanderthal hunter who happened to be the clan leader’s son, nudged Marga, a young sexy Neanderthal girl with really big bazongas and a really curvy swacki. He grinned and said “Ughma whango mop mop Marga iggi mogo”, which, loosely translated, means, “How about you and I have a little fun in the furs?”.
Marga liked Ughma and he had a really big whango, but she knew hunters were a chipmunk hide a dozen. She’d eat well if she was Ughma’s mate, but there would be all that nasty hide tanning and meat smoking she’d have to do, not to mention washing the mammoth blood and gore out of his furs after every hunting trip.
Marga was saving herself for Oglu, the healer’s apprentice. A healer would be rich with all the cave bear teeth, cave lion hides, and mammoth meat with which he’d be paid for curing the ills of the clan. If she took Oglu as a mate, Marga could trade with other women to have all those nasty jobs done for her and she would be free to paint her cheeks with red ochre and lie around looking beautiful and sexy. Her only problem was a healer could only take a virgin as a mate. If Marga let Ughma plant his whango in her mogo, she wouldn’t qualify.
Marga also knew that refusing the son of the clan leader would probably result in her being banished into the wild with just a broken digging stick and an old worn-out rabbit hide. She looked at Ughma and smiled.
“Mamo bungi lungi do do, suggu iggi nalli whango”, which, again loosely translated, means “no frigging way Jose, but I’ll suck your dick for you”. In less time than it takes for a cave bear to gobble down a ground squirrel, Ughma groaned, his whango throbbed, and he started jerking his hips. Marga gagged, but then swallowed furiously until there was no more to swallow.
Ughma rolled over and went to sleep. Marga went to the creek and washed her mouth out with soapweed, gargled with wild rose petals, and then went to see if Oglu was busy. Among other things, Oglu had a very long tongue. Marga had a craving for what that tongue did to her mogo.
Now, archeologists don’t really know if it happened this way or not, but based upon later written evidence, it probably did, if just not in this exact way. Fellatio has probably been around about as long as people have been walking on the ground instead of climbing in trees, maybe even before that, though it’s probably kind of hard to balance on a tree limb with your cock in somebody’s mouth.
The first recorded instance of fellatio comes in the form of the Egyptian myth of Osiris and Iris. Osiris was killed by his brother, and as was apparently common in those days, Osiris was sliced and diced by that same brother.
Iris was Osiris’ sister. She put all the little pieces of Osiris back together except she couldn’t find the pieces of his penis. Not being one to leave a job half done and being of an inventive mind, Iris made Osiris a new penis from clay and then blew life into Osiris by sucking on his clay penis. One must pause here to wonder how Iris was able to blow and suck at the same time, but perhaps this is the origin of the popular term for fellatio - “the blow job”.
The Kama Sutra, the fabled sex reference for all high school boys and the user’s guide to sex for more than a few couples, is actually a manual for loving. It dates at least as far back as 2 CE and some scholars put the start of the collection of copulation positions at 400 BCE. In the Kama Sutra is found an entire chapter on "auparishtaka” or “oral congress”. This chapter contains the descriptions of eight recognized methods of fellatio.
The ancient Romans were a little different about fellatio, but then, the ancient Romans were different about a lot of things. Roman society was all about dominance and submission. One would suppose that’s because for about thirteen centuries, the Romans dominated most of the known world.
Roman fellatio was governed by dominance and submission, but in the opposite way of today. In ancient Rome, the person receiving fellatio was the dominant of the pair. The person giving fellatio was the submissive. Well, maybe to some people today, that’s not all that different.
In ancient Roman society it was a strict taboo for a Roman man to perform fellatio because in doing so, he was being submissive and by definition all Roman men were dominant. Fellatio was even considered to be more degrading and shameful than anal sex and was sometimes used as a punishment.
For instance, if a slave stole a fig from a Roman soldier, the Roman soldier might say “ropday and ucksay my ockcsay”, or words to that effect. The Roman soldier was dominant because he ordered the peasant to suck his cock. The peasant was the submissive because he was the one receiving the cock in his mouth.
The same dominant/submissive roles are found in other civilizations as well. In New Guinea, boys prior to puberty go through an initiation rite of fellating the young men of the tribe and swallowing the semen. There is no homosexual or child abuse aspect to these rites. Semen is a precious commodity in that society because it implants life in a female. It is believed that by ingesting the semen of men, the boys will become stronger and more virile.
Traces of the decoration on Inca pottery indicate much the same presence and rules for fellatio in that civilization.
In later centuries, text and artwork depicting fellatio have survived and give us a better picture of what went on behind closed doors. Several works of erotic art depict the act, and it is described in some detail in works such as “Fanny Hill” by John Cleland (1748), “My Secret Life”, by “Walter” (actual author unknown) (1888), “The Memoirs of Josephine Mutzenbacher” by Unknown (1906).
Attitudes toward fellatio have changed significantly in the last seventy or so years. Up until the late 1950’s, fellatio was generally considered something prostitutes and gay men did, but which good girls did not do. Of course, many women who were not prostitutes did perform fellatio on their lovers or husbands, but not until after a significant relationship had developed and then only after a lot of coaxing. It just wasn’t “nice”, you know. Probably the lucky men weren’t exactly of the same opinion.
Fellatio was considered to be the ultimate in trust between lovers. It is easy to understand that. There are these sharp, pointy things in a woman’s mouth called teeth, and when that mouth is wrapped around a man’s cock, he has to trust her a lot. He probably tried really hard not to piss her off right before she went down on him too.
The sexual revolution of the 1960’s changed a lot of things relating to sex, and among those things was the new freedom to, and indeed the expectation that women should, could and did enjoy sex. As always, this freedom was hindered by the risk of pregnancy and the birth control pill wasn’t available to unmarried women in some states until 1972. Fellatio was an alternative that gained in popularity as sex without the risk of pregnancy.
In today’s world of easily obtainable porn, fellatio has become the Holy Grail for some men and the standard for what passes for foreplay in most porn films. Nearly every scene at least starts with a huge breasted actress sucking an actor’s equally huge cock. Usually she doesn’t swallow because the “cum shot” is required to show that everything’s real. Instead, her face is drenched with what for most men would be at least three separate sessions of white stick stuff.
This has put tremendous pressure on women, as the porn films portray fellatio as something every woman will happily do because she craves doing it. Such is not the case. One poll, the details of which I have not been able to corroborate, indicates that only about a third of women who admit to performing fellatio do so because they enjoy it. The other two thirds do so only to please their partners and wouldn’t if they didn’t feel it was somehow an obligation.
The lowering in the age at which people begin engaging in sex has also increased the prevalence of fellatio. Young girls still want to preserve their virginity and turn to fellatio in order to satisfy their current boyfriend’s desire for something more intimate than just petting. The current practice of a young girl fellating her boyfriend has been deemed comparable to the old-fashioned good-night kiss by at least one researcher.
Fellatio is still technically illegal in eighteen US states, and was at one time in most states. The laws were passed mostly for the purposes of punishing gay men. Those remaining laws cannot be enforced as a result of the US Supreme Court ruling in 2003 that declared it was unconstitutional for the state to make illegal what consenting adults do in private surroundings.
In other cultures though, fellatio is still a taboo.
In Malaysia, fellatio is considered “carnal intercourse against the order of nature” and is punishable by twenty years in prison and whipping. The law is seldom enforced because a complaint would have to be filed for that to happen. Come on now, how many men would really go to the police and complain about having their cock sucked?
In Islamic society, the mouth is considered pure. It is the organ of speech and of truth. Fellatio would render the mouth impure and is therefore banned.
The Inuit of North America believe fellatio would take away a man’s strength, so they don’t practice it. Another reason is probably because up until recent times, the Inuit have lived in family groups in very small igloos and by culture and custom have very quiet and unobserved sex lives. Fellatio would be very visible to the other inhabitants of the igloo.
One last word to help all the guys out there convince their significant other to give some head. According to two medical studies, exposure to a man’s semen induces immunological tolerance in the woman and helps prevent problems in pregnancy. Since the most efficient way for a woman to develop this tolerance to semen proteins is by ingesting semen…
See ladies? Swallowing really is a good thing after all, and the more, the better.